father's day

Last year I was hoping that Keith would get to hold a healthier Isaac by father’s day. I, at least, had a more positive experience with Isaac in holding him two days prior to him passing. Keith held him only to say goodbye.

This year, I am hoping that I go into labor before father’s day. I cannot wait to see our child in his arms, saying hello and not goodbye. I hope we get to spend father’s day at home with our little one, watching Keith become a father all over again, only this time saturated in joy rather than just sorrow.


We’re totally going to fight over who gets to hold the baby, i joked. In all honesty, i wouldn’t be mad at having to share our baby, and would totally concede to him having extra cuddle times. I think...rather i know it will be healing for him.

I look forward to the songs he’ll sing to baby. the poems he’ll write every year we celebrate a birthday. The way he’ll care for baby in the same way he cares for me. I’ll watch him struggle and i will watch him triumph, shedding his own anxieties as he figures out fatherhood.

interracial maternity shoot

I’ll watch him fall hopelessly in love with this child, more than he already has.