Parenthood: chapter 14/15
Well i finally got the app update for my blog and can start posting again! I will do my best to recall what happened during month fourteen, but life seems to have lapped me a few times.
in terms of his wonder weeks, holdy bear passed leap 9 about three weeks ago, and we are seeing just how much of a sponge he is becoming. around fourteen months he started really babbling and trying to mimic our sounds, but right after leap 9 he started repeating some of the words that we were saying to him. he currently can say: mama, dada, baba (bubba is what we sometimes call him), hi, huh, up (which actually sounds more like pa), bow wow, oh wow, and oooh (usually when I find he has a poopy in his diaper).
he likes to watch me clean and sometimes help by sucking on a burp cloth and then wiping the oven, or floor, or window sill. He connects objects with certain activities and uses them to communicate what he wants. When he is hungry he will sometimes walk over to his high chair and say “pa” which means up. When he wants to listen to music, he stands near the record player, starts to sing and sway his hips. And when he wants to go outside he grabs his shoes and sits by the door. It has been fascinating to watch all of this unfold.
walking seems like second nature almost. this kid wants to be outside at all times, but unfortunately we don’t get cool temps here till december. It is also getting harder to keep him the stroller as he wants to walk everywhere now. Exploration is definitely his mantra and that means getting into all the things he isn’t supposed to. I definitely struggle with making every discovery a teachable moment because he is soon off to next interesting thing.
holdy bear has become extremely social with other kids. I think taking him to the ymca fueled that. If he sees another child in the store he immediately wants to go up and gibber talk with them. he also finds older kids extremely funny and i have been told that there have been more than one occasion where an older child has him in a giggle fit. he waves at practically everyone and if you are lucky, you will get a blown kiss from him too. yes, he has his outrageous tantrums too, but on the whole he is pure joy.
homeboy cut about four teeth this month with a few more on the way, so eating has been a challenge. He went from eating just about anything, to just eggs, toast, bananas, and yogurt—although he did devour an entire bowl of risotto the other night. He loves smoothies so i have been making him green enriched ones just so he can get veggies in his diet. frozen veggies have been a godsend for these.
i mentioned his teeth so that should explain where we are with his sleep. it practically doesn’t exist. we have managed to finally get him on a consistent schedule so that i no longer have to keep track of his awake time.
Just after he hit fourteen months, we headed up to ny for a wedding and he did great on the plane this time! No ear popping or tantrums! He stayed with keith’s family while we were away, and it was the first time he interacted with his cousins as a one year old. I don’t think, words will suffice so i will add images here.
In terms of parenthood, the last two months of raising this boy have forced me to confront the lack of care i give myself. While i have been able to care for my body better with exercise and diet, i still find that i struggle to connect with my internal self. I deny myself desires that i once had because i tell myself they aren’t relevant to this season.
That leaves me unsettled as to what i am to be doing to enrich my spirit outside of loving on this boy, which no matter how much my baby returns the love with kisses, i still feel drained and somewhat obsolete. The passions that i had prenatal are still present, but it seems like i can never fully devote my attention to them and the mother in me constantly takes center stage.
i receive the messages to give myself some grace, or just be a mother, but why does the definition of a mother only extend to making meals and enforcing nap time and entertaining? Maybe that works for some mothers, but i feel robotic. I lose track of the days when that is my only routine. Last night i realized I don’t allow myself to dream because the mother in me keeps drowning out the dreamer in me and i keep finding it hard to merge the two.
not looking for advice, but i am curious to know how some of you managed this transition (i am sure i have asked this before). How did you merge? When did you merge? Or did you redefine motherhood in a way that reflected you? Comment below.