Posts tagged catching meteorites
parenthood: chapter 12

one year. excuse me while i go and snatch my breath back!

this final month has been mostly enjoyable, i must say. holdy bear my mother’s nickname for him came out in rare form. personality fuh days. almost always finding something to laugh about, smile about, scream out about. he loves to look back at me when he is about to get into something he shouldn’t be in as if to provoke me to chase or race him. this boy.

alot has been going on with him developmentally. he was already starting to pull up on things, but climbing on furniture became a work of art. on occasion he would stand without assistance although he was completely unaware that he was doing it. he eventually took his first steps two weeks before his birthday, and any time keith and i can make a game out of it, we try to.

he finally started mastering his pincer grasp something i had been concerned about because he wasn’t eating a ton of food and mealtimes became less of a chore. this also increased his caloric intake and he suddenly began sleeping for eight hours straight before needing a feed early in the morning.

speaking of sleep, for the most part it definitely improved for most of the month except for the last two weeks of it where we were having to rock him to sleep because of teething and developmental milestones. we weren’t getting much sleep which made both keith and i vulnerable to whatever was going around. for me it was allergies, for keith, bronchitis. this lasted three weeks cumulatively. holdy bear remained as content as could be and thankfully didn’t get sick.

i started going to the gym as i get complimentary child care for two hours and i cannot tell you what a godsend that has been for both of us. even when i felt horrible, i took him to the gym just so that he could burn off some energy and i could get some reprieve. it has allowed me to enjoy him more when i get him back in my arms rather than dreading the three hour wake time of having to keep him entertained or out of trouble.

he looks more and more like a little boy each day and with his personality getting bigger, it is hard for me to recall what he was like before he began to really shine. i keep repeating to myself that he is going to be one soon, and i am not sure i am ready for that now that i am kind of getting the hang of him being a baby. i’ll miss his cute attempts at trying to kiss me. i miss seeing him discover a new skill for the first time. i’ll miss his partial toothy grin and his puckered face when he is focused on something intensely. some of those things may remain, but they will look different for sure, so i am holding on to these meteorites for as long as my memory will allow.

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isaac's second birthday

i haven’t had much time to really reflect on isaac’s birthday. not because i was avoiding it or anything. we just haven’t had time to with business trips for keith and hospital visits. i am not sure that even now as i write i have the headspace to let myself really go there.

while on vacation, i got a call from the neurologist saying that boo bear’s routine eeg was normal and that they wanted to monitor him while he was awake. he was immediately scheduled the tuesday we returned for a twenty-four hour eeg. i didn’t have time to digest the fact that we would be in the hospital through the day of isaac’s birth.

boo bear charmed all the nurses immediately, much like his brother did and he did so well considering he had wires glued to his head and then covered in a long sock over his head. the room was smaller than our living room and we were expected to stay inside while they recorded him both through the monitor and camera.

the only thing on my mind was how to keep him entertained until bedtime. i had no space for anything else. as we waited today for our discharge papers, after baby boy was offline, i took him for a walk down the hallway until we hit the end. to my left were a pair of windows overlooking the hospital entrance to the labor and delivery facilities.

i pointed at the building. this is where you were born, i said. and you know who else was born here? your brother isaac was born here. we brought you home from here. i winced, realizing what i had said and was about to say. this was your brother’s only home. he never knew the one you know. somehow, this feels like home for us too.

those words stung like hornets, but i don’t regret saying them.

this is boo bear’s first year celebrating his brother’s birthday, although i am not sure it was an obvious celebration. with his birthday a month later, i have found it difficult to plan for it during may. eleven months. that is all that would have separated them had isaac remained with us. now the earth, moon, and stars stretch in between them.

two earth years, but a thousand years eternal. i love you. happy birthday.

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reclaiming my style: hair journey

my hair was never a convenience, but has always been a process.

childhood kitchen beautician: shampoo, rinse, shampoo, rinse, detangle, ultra sheen, braid. repeat once a week.

adolescent military beautician: shampoo, rinse, condition, rinse, roller set, hooded dryer, style. repeat every four weeks.

college budget friendly beautician: always been a process. repeat every eight weeks.

graduate support a hustling beautician: ten packs of bob marley hair in #4, sitting for 6 hours, part, twist, hot water dip. repeat every twelve weeks.

going natural self-made beautician: deep condition, detangle, shampoo, condition, leave in conditioner, seal the ends with whatever oil i had in my cupboards, style. repeat once a week.

the last process has continued on for ten years, but began deteriorating after both pregnancies. i was short on time and patience and my disheveled appearance made me less motivated to get out into the world postpartum. i had enjoyed the process of watching my hair thrive under my stewardship and even saw my sense of style flourish as i gained more confidence in the hair i was born with.

it wasn’t until this moment in my life that i realized how connected my creativity was to my hair. i felt put together and having my hair kept made me actually want to put forth the effort in other areas. i couldn’t keep on this path for much longer and seriously began to consider locs. but like going natural, locs are a commitment.

i took to pinterest, hoping to find some inspiration and the kick i needed to go ahead and get this done.

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baby led weaning

i think its safe to say i have no idea what i am doing.

i read all the blogs, books, magazines i could find on nutrition and baby led weaning, but now that its here, i am a headless chicken. i look at all these mothers with children around my son’s age and i cannot help it to compare even though i know the game of comparison is dangerously consuming what their children can already do at eight months.

everything i have read says by now he should have his pincer grasp figured out. nope. he still grabs things with his whole hand. so getting him to try bite sized anything is frustrating for him and terrifying for me. he usually ends up just smashing his food all around and then refusing to eat from a spoon when i try to feed him. i know its all a part of exploring new textures, but i’ve noticed that if it isn’t toast, a teething cracker or something that he can just grab and gnaw on until it turns to mush, he is pretty disinterested.

however, i have noticed that he likes to grab at the food on my plate or in my bowl, and i have often let him try some of the vegetable soups that i have made from scratch. he absolutely loves it or maybe he just likes the fact that he thinks he is eating like the big kids.

so i am wondering, and throwing this question out to you all, what sort of big kid meals did you make that were baby friendly? i don’t add a lot of salt to most of my stuff, but i do like to add spices this kid loved the soup i made with a homemade harissa base, so yes he likes things with flavor i am discovering.

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DITL of a SAHM and 6 month old

it seems strange that anyone would even care to know about my day to day, but in an effort to get to blogging more, (#newyeargoals) i will overcome my own feeling of invisibility and write as though there is some amother out there who cares and appreciates the day to day. in all honesty, that is what this blog is meant to be about anyway, not the well curated moments that i can be guilty of posting. anyway, i’ll stop jawing about.

i would like to say that i get up at five or six am to start my day before he wakes up, but because he has been hitting all of these developmental and growth milestones back to back, i don’t get much sleep. so i usually get up closer to seven. and he just started teething this month, so there’s that.

i start my day by drinking at least twelve ounces of water. if i can get in twenty that would be splendid. the idea is that i can better hydrate before sticking food in me. i wash my face and brush my teeth and bird bath it—yes like i was eight years old again. mothers know at this stage you don’t have time to shower when its just you and baby, so bird bathing it is. then its time to put on a real bra. not the flimsy nursing bra, i’m talking about one that contours. i get dressed and i quickly make the bed before i grab a bite to eat.

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Parenthood: Chapter 2

I have clocked in so many hours with babies in both my young and adult life, but none of it prepared me for a newborn.

I find myself fumbling in the dark, just looking for a wall to find comfort in. There have already been tears shed in the early hours of twilight due to shear exhaustion. I am not sure how much people stress the fact that a newborn wields the incredible ability to bring out the ugly in you.

Really fast.

From friends and strangers alike, I have heard the tales of sleepless nights and cranky babies. I was schooled on what parenthood would do to me physically, but not emotionally and psychologically. I have been curt on more than one occasion with Keith, felt the agitation rising in my chest whenever he needed my help to care for our son. I could get to that place so fast, I hardly had time to simmer before I said what was on my mind. 

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