our boy is going to be one soon. unreal.
as he becomes more mobile and more mischievous, reflecting on each month becomes harder and harder, but he is down for his first nap and i am on post number two right now, so i will attempt to get started early before monday.
a lot has been happening with boo boo this month. he hit the dreaded 8-10 month sleep regression and two leaps, and yet again made us feel incompetent in our parenting skills. there has also been some stuff going on with him physically, which i may share at a later date once we have all the facts, but what i will say is that the process has been a bit triggering for me as i am not looking forward to seeing my baby hooked up to monitors.
as stated in my birthday post, being a parent has made me painfully aware of how hard it is to take care of myself and sometimes even keith. it used to be easy to find a quiet moment to reflect, to meditate, to eat, to bathe to rest, but now i find myself unmotivated most days to achieve anything of real interest to me. i hate the feeling of apathy, but feel i sink further into the more i try to motivate myself to do something.
i made attempts last month to get us both out and participating in some baby activities as i find it refreshing that he can just crawl around without me having to tell him no. i wish there were more things for me toRead More
welcome to week 42 nine months and some change and leap six in the wonder weeks book. we are now in the process of discovering what hank is learning in this leap. it has mostly been a continuation of what he started to learn in the previous leap, with a few new items to add to his super suit.
hank has been pulling up on everything. when he wakes up in the morning the first thing he does is want to stand in his crib and babble until he realizes he cannot get back down. he started about two weeks ago in his room on the floor, and after a few falls and bumps he has figured out how not to fall.
army crawls are slowly turning into the standard crawl. his balance still isn’t great so the knee crawling gets tiresome for him. but man does he still get around and quickly. i let him explore the safe places in our house just so he feels like he has some independence. he is on his way to being a cruiser and my bet is that he starts walking by next month around the time i started.
he still shows minimal interest in solids, mostly because he is distracted by the wind or his seat buckle, or the crumb on the floor. in general he is not eating as frequently as he used to which means i can get out of the house a little more with him without him having a meltdown in the car.
to date he has waved at four people, none of those waves directed at keith or me. he claps at random times but never when you ask him to clap. he loves playing hide and seek. OMG watch out for me to post it on my IG stories! the cutest thing ever.
his naps were improving up until his leaps while night time had gotten way worse. after the leap though, his naps began to get worse again while his night time rest has gotten way better. can’t have my cake and eat it i guess.
he prefers keith to me, which i think is awesome given the fact that he hardly sees keith all day. but when keith is not around, hank is particularly clingy with me. apparently, this is supposed to be the calm period before the next leap, but i have seen none of that and hear that the next leap is relentless.
pray. for. me.Read More
baby boy i will refer to him as hank from here on out as that is what his initials sound out haha turned nine months two saturdays ago and we continue to be grateful for the time God has blessed us with him. saturday there was a remembrance walk put on by now i lay me down to sleep near our house. keith and i decided to check it out since we heard about it last minute. seeing babies who had passed at various stages made me kiss hank all over and thank God even more. it also made me miss isaac all the more and the rest of the weekend i spent time looking through old photos and videos of our last days with him. this will forever be our normal.
this month has been challenging for me, i realized yesterday. i spend my whole day thinking of ways to socialize or entertain hank, trying to just make my house not look like a war zone, and trying to figure out how i am going to get a weeks worth of groceries while pushing around an itty bitty stroller. but when asked what do i want to do, i feel selfish, i feel unreasonable, for even knowing what i want let alone asking for what i want.
no one is putting the pressure on me except for myself. i find it hard to treat myself and take care of myself well, and i find it even harder to ask for it when there are more bigger priorities that need to be fulfilled. my son’s needs or my husband’s needs just automatically trump mine because i feel so vital to their success. of course i am not that vital, but it feels almost necessary for me to believe that because i am struggling to find my purpose apart from the role of mother and wife. i feel trapped somehow.
i have no thoughts as far as how to break out of this mindset, but am also not looking for a way to escape the process.
how were you able to overcome the guilt of taking care of yourself while still taking care of your family?Read More
i think its safe to say i have no idea what i am doing.
i read all the blogs, books, magazines i could find on nutrition and baby led weaning, but now that its here, i am a headless chicken. i look at all these mothers with children around my son’s age and i cannot help it to compare even though i know the game of comparison is dangerously consuming what their children can already do at eight months.
everything i have read says by now he should have his pincer grasp figured out. nope. he still grabs things with his whole hand. so getting him to try bite sized anything is frustrating for him and terrifying for me. he usually ends up just smashing his food all around and then refusing to eat from a spoon when i try to feed him. i know its all a part of exploring new textures, but i’ve noticed that if it isn’t toast, a teething cracker or something that he can just grab and gnaw on until it turns to mush, he is pretty disinterested.
however, i have noticed that he likes to grab at the food on my plate or in my bowl, and i have often let him try some of the vegetable soups that i have made from scratch. he absolutely loves it or maybe he just likes the fact that he thinks he is eating like the big kids.
so i am wondering, and throwing this question out to you all, what sort of big kid meals did you make that were baby friendly? i don’t add a lot of salt to most of my stuff, but i do like to add spices this kid loved the soup i made with a homemade harissa base, so yes he likes things with flavor i am discovering.Read More
and just like that our boy is eight months old!
where do i even begin? baby boy achieved so many things this month that i will probably make a separate post about his leap 5 and 6 wonder weeks. sleep was also a hot topic again this month, but we decided to be proactive rather than reactive, with a few mental breakdowns in between. that will have its own posts coming shortly as that is a whole chapter in it of itself. what i will say about it, that it definitely improving as i am actually able to sit down and write a post!Read More
I know I start every new month with i can't believe he is... But seriously, I caught myself swiping through videos of his first months here with us and I am amazed at his metamorphosis!Read More
i am not a traditionalist when it comes to the holidays and that includes sending out family photo christmas cards. in all fairness, i never had a need to, until now that is. however, i was by no means going to entirely give in and try to get us all properly looking at the camera. with an infant—no way! plus keith and i have a tendency to look awkward when we have to think about how we need to stand in order for the photos to come out “right”. in the end, i was very pleased with the photos, especially the funny outtakes.
we’ll probably end up going with minted since they have a large selection of new year options. we figured everyone and their mother is doing christmas cards so we will mail ours out right after the new year that way we don’t get lost in the shuffle of other cards that will most likely find their way to the trash by the end of this month. you know you do it.Read More
last week i ran into one of my neighbors, peg, who was determined to have her yard cleaned before she went out to california for thanksgiving. as she leaned against her push broom, her walker within a few short steps, she asked how i was doing with lil’ man, and i told her, you know, just trying to figure out motherhood. she smiled and said to me don’t you wish they had a book on what its really like to be a mother?
i wanted to tell her there was and its called google, but i refrained.
while i don’t think there is a clinical book out there that has accurately or honestly described the first year of motherhood, i have been thankful for the books giving me a better understanding of what is going on with baby.
we as adults take everything we do, see, feel, smell, and know for granted. i guess somewhere in my mind i just assumed that babies were on their own biological timer that said hey now, its time for you to start crawling. i had not even imagined that just the ability to grasp things takes weeks of their brain growing so that it can hold all of the new data and string sequences together.
instead of looking through my own lens of watching for new achievements, i have started to look through his eyes as he picks up a toy and learns to drop it. i giggle as he repeatedly does it. i get the amusement of it all now and i find myself enjoying those moments more rather than anticipating the big ones like crawling and walking.
one of the books that has been shedding light on this wonderment (no pun intended) that we are both experiencing is called the wonder weeks. i am sad i missed all of the first few weeks, but am glad i can follow his journey from here on out. based on the book, along with the normal growth spurts, babies experience developmental leaps (the book mentions 10) that happen around certain weeks of a baby’s life. they will go through a fussy period right before the leap as their brain is trying to figure out this new “district” that has been added to their mind map.
right now i am in wonder week 19 or leap 4 where he is slowly learning about cause and effect and stitching the series of events together to create the effect! this means that all the little skills he learned early are now being put together like blocks to form a new bigger and stronger skill such as sitting up and rolling.
so what has lil’ man been up to? i’ll try to do a quick recap of all his milestones below and then finish off with this week.
weeks 0-8Read More
I have clocked in so many hours with babies in both my young and adult life, but none of it prepared me for a newborn.
I find myself fumbling in the dark, just looking for a wall to find comfort in. There have already been tears shed in the early hours of twilight due to shear exhaustion. I am not sure how much people stress the fact that a newborn wields the incredible ability to bring out the ugly in you.
From friends and strangers alike, I have heard the tales of sleepless nights and cranky babies. I was schooled on what parenthood would do to me physically, but not emotionally and psychologically. I have been curt on more than one occasion with Keith, felt the agitation rising in my chest whenever he needed my help to care for our son. I could get to that place so fast, I hardly had time to simmer before I said what was on my mind.Read More