Last year I was hoping that Keith would get to hold a healthier Isaac by father’s day. I, at least, had a more positive experience with Isaac in holding him two days prior to him passing. Keith held him only to say goodbye.
This year, I am hoping that I go into labor before father’s day. I cannot wait to see our child in his arms, saying hello and not goodbye. I hope we get to spend father’s day at home with our little one, watching Keith become a father all over again, only this time saturated in joy rather than just sorrow.
We’re totally going to fight over who gets to hold the baby, i joked. In all honesty, i wouldn’t be mad at having to share our baby, and would totally concede to him having extra cuddle times. I think...rather i know it will be healing for him.
I look forward to the songs he’ll sing to baby. the poems he’ll write every year we celebrate a birthday. The way he’ll care for baby in the same way he cares for me. I’ll watch him struggle and i will watch him triumph, shedding his own anxieties as he figures out fatherhood.
I’ll watch him fall hopelessly in love with this child, more than he already has.