waiting to exhale: 36 weeks

One more week.

Already I feel like the hours are expanding like it’s the last day of high school before summer break. Yep, definitely the longest week of my life; yet at the same time, with pending to-do’s left untouched, i feel it slipping through my fingers.

mills50

Keith wants me to rest. I want to rest. This should be the perfect time for me to rest. Our house church came over a week ago to help us nest and while they tackled all the major areas that i could not, now even the smaller, more manageable tasks leave me winded. To add to the suspense, my appointment last week revealed that I was slowly starting to dilate and I that I was 70% effaced (and that was while I was still on Makena). That explains why I have been feeling the cerclage more and more, but my OB still wanted to keep it in till 37 weeks. Because of this diagnosis, i have taken extreme care not to overdo it, and so, I have yet to accomplish anything on my own.

We topped off the week with a maternity shoot on sunday, shot by the talented Jesse Walsh of Dreamtown Co. Last year, Jesse and I had begun the process to set up a shoot while I was pregnant with  Isaac, but two weeks after we put it on the calendar, I went into labor. It was hard to work up enough nerve to contact her again even after we made it past 24 weeks because of the trauma I experienced, but I am glad that despite my procrastination, she had some time available to photograph keith and i before the cerclage comes out next tuesday.

As my body gets bigger, i feel as though i am practically dragging myself around the house not only due to the weight of this baby, but also every emotion i have felt up until now. My eyes are on fire from allergies, crying, and lack of sleep, my hips are starting to soften at an impending labor, and my ankles look and feel like tree trunks. how will i have enough energy to give to this baby when he/she arrives?

edema

One day at a time, keith says. Easier said than done when every day of this week has bled into one long, arduous day with no end in sight. Now that I am in the home stretch, i realize how focused i have been on the bite sizes of this pregnancy without giving much thought to thinking about a baby, our baby, living here. It’s been a distant dream, one that i rarely visit out of disbelief, but one that is solidifying as reality the closer i reach the end of this pregnancy.