While the last seven months have been ridden with fear, guilt, discouragement and list of other things that make me the perfect candidate for depression, I knew I needed to find some simple tasks to focus on to help take my mind off the excruciating wait time.
I was basically on modified bedrest, due to the fact that I had to continually limit my activity to 30 minutes per task because of fatigue and because my body was reacting to the mild stress of standing for longer than that. That meant quitting my part-time job as a barista, and taking some vacay time away from macrame orders.
I will admit, at first I was bored out of my mind, and depression quickly set in. It was definitely a mixture of grief over losing Isaac, PPD, anxiety of this new pregnancy, and depression birthed out of isolation in being on some form of bed rest. There is really no use in pretending to be fine while buried under all of that, and I have conceded to being “overcome” as the band Live put it. I will say, it is less of me battling depression now, and more of learning how to live with it until I can seamlessly walk out of it.
In hindsight, there are many ways in which I keep my sanity while on modified bed rest, but I will save those for future posts. Today, I wanted to share how creating my own pregnancy journal helps me at least stay afloat for the remainder of this pregnancy as I walk through my depression.
With my last pregnancy journal, I found it to be hard to document my thoughts, my day to day discoveries and tasks, as well as keeping it all organized. I wanted a birds eye view of my daily and monthly habits like water intake, vitamin intake, symptoms. What was also hard about this journal was that when Isaac was born, I suddenly had all these empty pages that no longer related to my situation and when he died, it further magnified the incompletion of my pregnancy and journey toward motherhood.
I love the customizable feature of the Bullet Journal system. Yes, I had to lay everything out myself, but when you aren’t working and are on some form of activity restriction, this method helps the time blow by fast! I got to decide what I wanted in it, how I wanted to organize it, and the best part is that I set it up once a month. Which means that God-forbid this child decides to come early, I can easily change my future layouts to fit my current situation.
There are so many tutorials on how to set up a bullet journal on youtube, but very few if any on pregnancy, so it took me a while to collect my thoughts of what I wanted in my journal. but after a few days of looking at tutorials to familiarize myself with the basic setup and making a list of what i wanted to document, i was ready to go. below i will walk through sort of the bones of everything.
table of contents
this is here so i can easily search for my collections each time i open up my journal. every time i make a new page i document it here. no other explanation needed.